Unicorns & Hunters: Respecting the Magic in Ethical Non-Monogamy

In sixth grade, my class took a field trip to The Cloisters in the Bronx, a museum specializing in Medieval artifacts—suits of armor, intricate stone carvings, stunning stained glass, and what impacted me most: the Unicorn Tapestries. These massive woven scenes from around 1500 depict a unicorn hunt, capturing the era’s fascination with magic and majesty. The tapestries are beautifully detailed, transforming the flat, 2-dimensional art style of the time into something enchanting. Yet, when you focus on the story being told, a gut reaction arises: “Why would anyone hunt such a magical creature just for a trophy?”

Fast forward to the world of Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM), where “unicorns”—sexually open single women—navigate a world that can sometimes feel like their own unicorn hunt. For many unicorns, entering this lifestyle means dodging "unicorn hunters"—couples who aggressively seek a threesome without considering the unicorn’s perspective, making her feel used, intimidated, or undervalued. If you're reading this and getting a bit clammy or thinking, "Oh no, am I a unicorn hunter?"—relax, we’ve got you covered.

Here are Amber Dean's Top 5 Tips for Respectfully Approaching Unicorns so you can encourage magical connections rather than send these enchanting creatures running for the hills:

1. Align with Your Partner First
Before you even approach someone, make sure you and your partner are on the same page. Talk openly about your boundaries, desires, and any specific elements you want in the experience (toys, full involvement, dynamics, etc.). Ensure that both of you are genuinely excited about this experience—and that it isn’t a way to cover up relationship issues. Adding a third person can amplify any tension between you, so tackle communication and sexual compatibility issues in advance. If there’s drama between you two, it will definitely make the third person uncomfortable.

2. Approach with Authenticity, Not Expectation
Nobody likes feeling targeted or treated as a “means to an end.” When you’re approaching a unicorn, show genuine interest in her personality and needs without putting pressure on the experience. This approach builds trust and makes a connection more likely to blossom naturally. It’s also better for the threesome itself; if you can all connect and laugh together, the experience is likely to be more enjoyable.

3. Communicate Clearly
Once you’ve discussed expectations as a couple, share them openly with your potential third to ensure she’s on board. Remember, not everyone’s idea of a threesome is the same, and not every woman in the ENM community is necessarily bisexual or interested. Being upfront from the start shows respect and sets clear boundaries.

4. Listen and Acknowledge Her Needs
This can’t be stressed enough: listen, listen, listen. Make eye contact, acknowledge her preferences, and respond appropriately. Avoid any attempt to pressure or “convince” her; she knows what she wants, and she’s not going to bend her needs to suit yours. Respectful listening goes a long way in creating a safe and enjoyable experience for everyone.

5. Be Open, Funny, and Respectful—And Take the Hint
Be warm and flirtatious, but also watch her body language. If she’s frequently breaking eye contact, excusing herself, or showing signs of discomfort, take the hint. She may not be interested, and that’s okay. Gracefully step away from the conversation to let her enjoy the rest of her evening. Respect is always attractive and opens the door for you to connect with others who may be a better fit.

By following these respectful strategies, you can create a safe and magical space for everyone involved, enhancing your connections and ensuring your experiences are both fun and fulfilling. And remember ethical non-monogamy works best when all parties feel valued and respected—because a true unicorn doesn’t need to be hunted; she’ll show up when she feels safe to share her magic.